How to Win Friends and Influence People

In 1937, Dale Carnegie published what was to be the world's first best selling "self-help" book titled, "How to Win Friends and Influence People". To date, Carnegie's book has sold over 15 million copies worldwide.

Carnegie breaks his book down into six major sections:

FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE

1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

1. Become genuinely interested in other people
2. Smile
3. Remember that a person's name is, to him or her, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. Talk in the terms of the other person's interest
6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely

TWELVE WAYS TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

1. Avoid arguments
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never tell someone that he or she is wrong.
3. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and empathetically
4. Begin in a friendly way
5. Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes
6. Let the other person do the talking
7. Let the other person feel the ideas is his/hers
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view
9. Sympathize with the other person
10. Appeal to noble motives
11. Dramatize your ideas
12. Throw down a challenge; don't talk negatively when a person is absent; talk only about the positive

BE A LEADER: HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
2. Call attention to other people's mistakes indirectly
3. Talk about your own mistakes first
4. Ask questions instead of directly giving orders
5. Let the other person save face
6. Praise every improvement
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
8. Encourage them by making their faults seem easy to correct
9. Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest

SEVEN RULES FOR MAKING YOUR HOME LIFE HAPPIER

1. Don't nag
2. Don't try to make  your partner over
3. Don't criticize
4. Give honest appreciation
5. Pay little attentions
6. Be courteous
7. Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage 

The Power Of Positive Thinking

The Power of Positive Thinking

by Remez Sasson

 

  Positive thinking is a mental attitude that admits into the mind thoughts, words and images that are conductive to growth, expansion and success. It is a mental attitude that expects good and favorable results. A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Whatever the mind expects, it finds.

  Not everyone accepts or believes in positive thinking. Some consider the subject as just nonsense, and others scoff at people who believe and accept it. Among the people who accept it, not many know how to use it effectively to get results. Yet, it seems that many are becoming attracted to this subject, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it. This is a subject that is gaining popularity.

It is quite common to hear people say: "Think positive!", to someone who feels down and worried. Most people do not take these words seriously, as they do not know what they really mean, or do not consider them as useful and effective. How many people do you know, who stop to think what the power of positive thinking means?

The following story illustrates how this power works:
 Allan applied for a new job, but as his self-esteem was low, and he considered himself as a failure and unworthy of success, he was sure that he was not going to get the job. He had a negative attitude towards himself, and believed that the other applicants were better and more qualified than him. Allan manifested this attitude, due to his negative past experiences with job interviews.

  His mind was filled with negative thoughts and fears concerning the job for the whole week before the job interview. He was sure he would be rejected. On the day of the interview he got up late, and to his horror he discovered that the shirt he had planned to wear was dirty, and the other one needed ironing. As it was already too late, he went out wearing a shirt full of wrinkles.

  During the interview he was tense, displayed a negative attitude, worried about his shirt, and felt hungry because he did not have enough time to eat breakfast. All this distracted his mind and made it difficult for him to focus on the interview. His overall behavior made a bad impression, and consequently he materialized his fear and did not get the job.

  Jim applied for the same job too, but approached the matter in a different way. He was sure that he was going to get the job. During the week preceding the interview he often visualized himself making a good impression and getting the job.

  In the evening before the interview he prepared the clothes he was going to wear, and went to sleep a little earlier. On day of the interview he woke up earlier than usual, and had ample time to eat breakfast, and then to arrive to the interview before the scheduled time.

  He got the job because he made a good impression. He had also of course, the proper qualifications for the job, but so had Allan.

  What do we learn from these two stories? Is there any magic employed here? No, it is all natural. When the attitude is positive we entertain pleasant feelings and constructive images, and see in our mind's eye what we really want to happen. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy and happiness. The whole being broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even the health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall and the voice is more powerful. Our body language shows the way you feel inside.

Positive and negative thinking are both contagious.
  All of us affect, in one way or another, the people we meet. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through thoughts and feelings transference, and through body language. People sense our aura and are affected by our thoughts, and vice versa. Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people and avoid negative ones? People are more disposed to help us if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

  Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and actions. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

Practical Instructions

In order to turn the mind toward the positive, inner work and training are required. Attitude and thoughts do not change overnight.
  Read about this subject, think about its benefits and persuade yourself to try it. The power of thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping our life. This shaping is usually done subconsciously, but it is possible to make the process a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange give it a try, as you have nothing to lose, but only to gain. Ignore what others might say or think about you, if they discover that you are changing the way you think.

  Always visualize only favorable and beneficial situations. Use positive words in your inner dialogues or when talking with others. Smile a little more, as this helps to think positively. Disregard any feelings of laziness or a desire to quit. If you persevere, you will transform the way your mind thinks.
Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to be aware of it and endeavor to replace it with a constructive one. The negative thought will try again to enter your mind, and then you have to replace it again with a positive one. It is as if there are two pictures in front of you, and you choose to look at one of them and disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to think positively and ignore negative thoughts.

  In case you feel any inner resistance when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, do not give up, but keep looking only at the beneficial, good and happy thoughts in your mind.

  It does not matter what your circumstances are at the present moment. Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. It may take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they do.

  Another method to employ is the repetition of affirmations. It is a method which resembles creative visualization, and which can be used in conjunction with it. It is the subject of another article on this website.
 
  The other articles at this website, about the power of concentration, will power, self-discipline and peace of mind also contribute to the development of a positive mind, and are recommended for reading and practicing.

http://www.successconsciousness.com/index_000009.htm

Two Kinds of People

The world today has over 6 billion people walking it's surface at all times. Each of us are unique in many ways. However, despite our differences, each one of us can be broken down into one of two categories; a victim or warrior.

Those who are classified as victims believe world is against them. That everything bad that could happen, will happen, and to them. They prefer the "half empty" way of thinking and view obstacles as an excuse to not succeed, not encouragement to keep moving on. On the other hand, warriors are the go-getters in life. Bad things happen to everyone, but warriors don't let the bumps in the road slow their pace. They take what life has given them and find a way to turn it into a positive experience, no matter what the circumstance.

The video here depicts two men who truly embody what it means to be a warrior. The father and son duo overcame one of life's biggest hurdles and came out on top. Brace yourself for the tears to come!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDnrLv6z-mM&feature=player_embedded

6 Millionaire (Entrepreneural) Traits That You Can Adopt

  Millionaires have more in common with each other than just their bank accounts — for some millionaires, striking it rich took courage, salesmanship, vision and passion. Find out which traits are most common to the seven-figure bank account set, and what you can do to hone some of these skills in your own life.

1. Independent Thinking

Millionaires think differently. Not just about money, about everything. The time and energy everybody else spends attempting to conform, millionaires spend creating their own path. Since thoughts impact actions, people who want to be wealthy should think in a way that will get them to that goal. Independent thinking doesn't mean doing the opposite of what the rest of the world is doing; it means having the courage to follow what is important to you. So, the lesson here is to forge your own way, and let your success drive you to financial spoils - rather than doing it the other way around and trying to chase the money.

Just look at David Geffen. A self-made millionaire with $4.5 billion to his name in 2009, this American record executive and film producer was college dropout, but made millions founding record agencies and signed some of the most prominent musicians of the 1970s and '80s. Although he didn't take what many assume to be the usual path to success, his tireless work ethic and sense of personal conviction about artists' potential allowed him to rack up a sizable fortune.

2. Vision

Millionaires are creative visionaries with a positive attitude. In other words, wealthy people not only have big dreams, they also believe they will come true. As such, wealth seekers should set lofty goals and not be afraid of uncharted territories.

Bill Gates, the world's richest person in 2009, did just that. The American chairman of Microsoft is one of the founding entrepreneurs who brought personal computers to the masses. Gates jumped into the personal computers business in 1975 and held on tight, creating Microsoft Windows in 1985. When consumers began to bring computers into their homes, Gates was ready to profit from this new age. 

3. Skills

Writer Dennis Kimbro interviewed successful people to determine the traits they had in common for his book, "Think and Grow Rich" (1992). He found that they concentrated on their area of excellence. Millionaires also tend to partner with others to supplement their weaker skills. If you don't know what you are good at, poll friends and family. Use training and mentors to refine your strong skills.
4. Passion

Billionaire investing guru Warren Buffett says "Money is a by-product of something I like to do very much." Enjoying your work allows you to have the discipline to work hard at it every day. People who interact with money for a living, bankers for example, often love creating new deals and persuading others to complete a transaction. But finding your dream job may take time. The average millionaire doesn't find it until age 45, and tends to be 54 (on average) before becoming a millionaire. Kimbro found that millionaires tried an average of 17 ventures before they were successful. So, if you want to be rich, stop doing things you don't enjoy and do what you love. If you don't know what you love, try a few things and keep trying until you hit on the right thing.

5. Investment

Millionaires are willing to sacrifice time and money to achieve their goals. They are willing to take a risk now for the opportunity of achieving something greater in the future. Investing may include securities or starting a business - either way, it is a step toward achieving great financial rewards. START INVESTING NOW!

6. Salesmanship

Millionaires are constantly presenting their ideas and persuading others to buy into them. Good salesmen are oblivious to critics and naysayers. In other words, they don't take "no" for an answer. Millionaires also have good social skills. In fact, when writer T. Harv Eker analyzed the results of a survey of 753 millionaires for his book, "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind" (2005), he found social skills were more important than IQ. Just look at Donald Trump. His fortune has fluctuated over the years, but his ability to sell himself - whether as a TV personality or as the force behind a line of neckties - has always brought him back among the ranks of celebrity millionaires.

The ability to communicate with people is essential to selling your idea. Contrary to the traditional view of salesmen, millionaires cite honesty as an important factor in their success. If you want to be a millionaire, be an honest salesman and polish your social skills.

***

Becoming a millionaire is not a goal that can be achieved overnight for most people. In fact, many of the world's richest people built their wealth over many years (sometimes even generations) by making smart but often bold decisions, putting their skills to the best use possible and doggedly pursuing their vision. If you can learn anything about millionaires, it's that for many of them, their riches are not necessarily what most sets them apart from the rest of the world - it's what they did to earn those millions that really stands out.

To Lead, You Have to Follow: 8 Traits of Effective Leaders

By: Hank Marquis, Chief Technology Officer at itSM Solutions LLC

A study claims that 97% of workers say their job is stressful on a daily basis. Four of of five say they feel stressed before they even get to work. Some 25% report that they have taken time off from work to deal with the stress.

The top reason listed is "lack of support, increasing pressure, interruptions and bullying behavior" from theri direct manager.

The report goes on to list other reasons, including: Workload, feeling undervalued, deadlines, type of work people have to do, having to take on other people's work load, lack of job satisfaction, lack of control over the working day, having to work long hours, and frustration with the working environment.

It seems the reasons for this stress comes directly from a lack of leadership from managers. Effective leaders build a trusted team and then follow the team's advice. Many managers lack this understanding, and this causes the stress.

How Zen that most ofthe job-related stress comes from failure of those in management roles to understand that to lead, you have to follow. Here is a list of the 8 traits that show leaders how to follow their constituents - and succeed.

• Leadership means focusing on the needs of others, not yourself
• Real leaders try to provide service - to their team, their customers, and anyone else met. Leadership is not a 9-to-5 job. By focusing on the needs of customers, and then trying to align his or her team in ways to meet those needs as well as the needs of the team, a leader gets the job done and develops followers. Customers want to work with a leader because a leader team produces results. Your team wants to follow your lead because you take into account its needs and requirements.
• To improve your leadership skills consider spending as much time with your customers as you do with your team.
• Leadership comes from your actions, not your title
• Some of the best leaders don't have CIO or VP titles. Leadership, in fact, has nothing to do with title or pay-grade. Leaders lead because others want to follow them. Why would anyone want to follow a leader? Because a leader motivates its followers, gives them purpose, supports them, guides and mentors them, and even "takes flak" to protect them.
• To be a better leader, you need to ask yourself some hard questions. If you are not leading then you are dictating, and no one follows a dictator.
• Leadership makes you accountable, even when it's not your fault
• A leader takes full responsibility for his or her mission and with this comes accountability for failure. Leaders don't blame their team, or complain about unreasonable customer requirements. Leaders set expectations by focusing on the needs of others. (TRAIT #1) and build consensus for what can be accomplished. If something goes wrong, a leader accepts responsbility-even if it was a team member that was the cause
• Think about the last time someone on your team made a mistake. Did you support and counsel them? Did you turn the failure into a learning experience? Or did you ridicule, shun, or punish him or her?
• Leadership is not a 9-to-5 activity
• Being a leader means focusing on the needs of others and helping others when they fail. This can require additional work, even after hours. Often it is only personal engagement that uncovers the root of an unhapy worker. And many times these root causes present opportunities for improvement beyond the single worker.
• Do you stay and work with the team? Not just being in the office, but do you actively engage and work to deliver when required?
• Leadership takes trust from your followers
• When you focus on the needs of others, motivate your team, and satisfy your customers, when you take responsibility for successes and failure, when you engage with your team on a personal level, then you build trust. Trust does not come easily. You have to earn trust. It won't come because you have an impressive title. You can't buy, barter, or steal trust. You have to earn it. You have to follow the first four traits on a regular basis for enough time to have earned the trust of your customers and team.
• Do your customers trust you? Does your team get behind your ideas because they know you will protect and guide them?
• Leaders get their best ideas from their team
• The best ideas are not going to come from the leader, but rather from those being led. A good leader develops consensuses for a project based on its relationships to customers, company, and staff. Exactly how the project should unfold is often best left to the team to determine. Nothing so engages and commits a team to a leader than for them to be part of the design of the solution. No one knows the job better than the person who does it every day.
• Do you dictate schedules to your team or do you and your teams negotiate on how to get things done? Ask your team for their ideas-and then use them. Just remember TRAIT #6 - always give the credit to the team. The leaders credit comes only by crediting the team he or she leads.
• Leadership thrives on diversity
• I lovethe story about the IT group at a major retailer. The business needed to know the conversion ratio: that is, how many people entering the store purchased something. IT began brainstorming traditional IT solutions--complicated, highly automated, and expensive. On a whim, an IT leader asked as non-IT person how they might determine how many shoppers who came in the store actually purchased something. The non-IT solution after just a few minutes of thought was to hire a couple of temporary workers and have them count the number of people entering the store and then leave with a shopping bag.
• Instead of the typical all-consuming and expensive 18-month IT project more likely to fail than succeed, they got a cost-effective low-tech solution in a few hours. The best ideas come from those who don't think as you do. Expand your circle of relationships; nurture those who think differently from you.
• Leadership comes from continuous communication
• To be able to lead and embrace these traits requires communication skills. I'm not talking about superior comedic skills when presenting. I am talking about person-to-person verbal and non-verbal communications.
• This is counter-intuitive, but to present your ideas requires that you listen. To understand and accept the ideas of others requires that you talk. These are skills many people never develop, but all true leaders seem to have mastered.
• In a meeting, do you do most of the talking? When you are listening to others, are you an active listener, repeating what you have heard to make sure you understand what was said?

SUMMARY
Leader is a title given to you by those whom you follow and serve. They see you as a leader when you pay attention to their needs. By listening to their needs and addressing their issues, you demonstrate leadership. You can lead a team of equals, you can lead a team of superiors, and you can lead a team of subordinates. Leadership is a way of acting and communicating.

Anyone can improve his or her leadership skills. Leadership comes from a desire to succeed and the realization that your success comes from what others do on your behalf of their own free will-because they trust you and want to follow you. To be a leader you have to understand this indirect linkage.

Sometimes it can be difficult to be a leader. You may know exactly what you want to get done and find it hard to accept the team's input about what it thinks can be done. If your team trusts you as a leader, it will take a leap of faith and follow you even if it has reservations. Of course, there are always "executive" decisions to make, but in general, if you have built trust you should follow your team's advice whenever possible.

It can also be difficult to work with customers, but very few people are truly unreasonable and unwilling to listen to facts - if presented in ways they can understand and evaluate.

If any of these suggestions rings true to you, then go take a course on leadership. Have your management style evaluated. Hire a consultant to understand the effect it has on your customers, company, and team. You will probably be surprised at what you learn.

18 Holes in His Mind

18 HOLES IN HIS MIND

BY: AUTHOR UNKNOWN

   
 
   Major James Nesmeth had a dream of improving his golf game - and he developed a unique method of achieving his goal. Until he devised this method, he was just your average weekend golfer, shooting in mid- to low-nineties. Then, for seven years, he completely quit the game. Never touched a club. Never set foot on a fairway.
   Ironically, it was during this seven-year break from the game that Major Nesmeth came up with his amazingly effective technique for improving his game - a technique we can all learn from. In fact, the first time he set foot on a golf course after his hiatus from the game, he shot an astonishing 74! He had cut 20 strokes off his average without having swung a golf club in ven years! Unbelievable. Not only that, but his physical condition had actually deteriorated during those seven years.
   What was Major Nesmeth's secret? Visualization. You see, Major Nesmeth had spent those seven years as a prisoner of war in North Vietnam. During those seven years, he was imprisoned in a cage that was approximately four and one-half feet high and five feet long.
During almost the entire time he was imprisoned, he saw no one, talked to no one and experienced no physical activity. During the first few months he did virtually nothing but hope and pray for his release. Then he realized he had to find some way to occupy his mind or he would lose his sanity and probably his life. That's when he learned to visualize.
   In his mind, he selected his favorite golf course and started playing golf. Every day, he played a full 18 holes at the imaginary country club of his dreams. He experienced everything to the last detail. He saw himself dressed in his golfing clothes. He smelled the fragrance of the trees and the freshly trimmed grass. He experienced different weather conditions - windy spring days, overcast winter days, and sunny summer mornings. In his imagination, every detail of the tee, the individual blades of grass, the trees, the singing birds, the scampering squirrels and the lay of the course became totally real.
   He felt the grip of the club in his hands. He instructed himself as he practiced smoothing out his down-swing and the follow-through on his shot. Then he watched the ball arc down the exact center of the fairway, bounce a couple of times and roll to the exact spot he had selected, all in his mind.
   In the real world, he was in no hurry. He had no place to go. So in his mind he took every step on his way to the ball, just as if he were physically on the course. It took him just as long in imaginary time to play 18 holes as it would have taken in reality. Not a detail was omitted. Not once did he ever miss a shot, never a hook or a slice, never a missed putt.
   Seven days a week. Four hours a day. Eighteen holes. Seven years. Twenty strokes off. Shot a 74.